I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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