You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
