Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
