I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
