I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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