Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
