You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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