guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
