god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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