quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
