Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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