the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are all done wearing pants today
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
