yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
