Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
