The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
