His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Panties = found
Randomize
