I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
