Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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