I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
