Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
