I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize