watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
