you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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