I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
