You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
