my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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