Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
