I must be too annoying 4 u.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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