booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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