What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
