Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize