We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you would pick up someone in the library
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize