got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
