guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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