I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
