My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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