I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
