plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so much tequila, so little girl.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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