The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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