Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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