Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
People with herpes should wear stickers.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
