bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
