Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....

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(765): View more from Indiana

I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

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(661): View more from California

Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"

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(406): View more from Montana

Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.

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(561): View more from Florida

Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit

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(912): View more from Georgia

Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.

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(727): View more from Florida

If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?

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