you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we made out on top of his cat.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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