Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
