I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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