i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
