is your mom at the bar?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
