Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
