and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize