i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
