We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
