My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
