Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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