I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
