I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
