My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
did you just send me my own nude
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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