Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
