if you like me you must not know who I am
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
