oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize