he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
