You work out of a Hotel?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
