There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize