I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
