my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
