Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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