Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
