I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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