I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
