Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize