Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
