I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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